Darren Hunter.

fivehundredrevolutions: A victory for football: Cristiano...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 01:33:50 +0100

A victory for football: Cristiano Ronaldo scores for Real Madrid at the Nou Camp, ending Barcelona’s dominance of Spanish football

Man Without A League Pass: The Race to the Playoffs

Fri, 30 Mar 2012 11:29:00 +0100

For those who visit often, it’s very clear that I’ve became a big fan of basketball (I’ve rarely written about anything else recently), and since having started watching full games - that don’t involve the Looney Tunes, Bill Murray or aliens voiced by Danny DeVito - just after Christmas of last year, I’ve also been reading up on various aspects of the league, its teams and its players at every available opportunity. Having watched many, many games and having absorbed more basketball information than I had ever thought possible in such a short space of time (thank you, Bill Simmons, for your wonderful book), I feel that it’s now a lot easier for me to form my own opinions on the league and have good reasons to back them up, instead of reading blogs on nba.com to get the general consensus as to what’s actually going on instead of writing my own.

This new-found knowledge of mine now helps when it comes to this stage of the season: now that the All-Star Weekend is firmly in the past, the push towards the playoffs becomes more prominent than ever, as the finish line of the 2011-12 NBA season draws ever closer.

If you don’t know how the playoffs in the NBA work, it’s easy enough to follow. The top eight teams in each conference advance to the first round of the playoffs, competing in a seven-game series to determine who advances to the Conference Semifinals. There, another seven-game series takes place to see who plays in the Conference Finals, and after another seven-game series, both the Eastern and Western Conferences will have a champion, eventually meeting in the NBA Finals (yet another seven-game series, by the way), with one team becoming NBA Champions.

I’ve taken an image from Wikipedia that shows how the Playoffs work, and which teams play against each other based on their seedings, from first to eighth.

As the Playoffs begin on April 28th, time is running out for teams who are close to a Playoff spot but whose winning percentage isn’t high enough. While the higher-seeded teams are all but certain to keep their spots (the Chicago Bulls are only team statistically guaranteed a place), the lower end of the playoff spectrum is up for grabs to anyone - except the Charlotte Bobcats. It’s now impossible for them to qualify. They’ve actually lost as many games as the Bulls have won. The Bobcats are 32 games behind the Bulls in the Eastern Conference, with only eighteen games left for them to play this season (They are exactly 17.5 games behind the New York Knicks, the current eighth seed). They’re often referred to as the worst team in the NBA for a reason.

Now that I’m done kicking the Bobcats while they’re down, it’s time to return to the matter at hand: the Playoffs. As I mentioned earlier, while the top-seeded teams have more or less stayed the same recently, the lower-seeded positions are changing almost daily. Using the NBA website has been helpful in determining which teams are in the running for playoff positions, as the Playoff Picture on nba.com shows you which teams would make it to the Playoffs (and their seedings for the first round) if they began that day, with the Playoff Picture also showing which teams would then be facing each other and who had the best record against the other during the regular season. Since I found out that it exists, I’ve checked it almost every day and at least one team has either changed its seeding or been replaced by another team entirely.

While this makes it difficult to accurately predict who will make it past the regular season next month, I feel that I know enough about the teams that currently occupy Playoff positions that I could predict this year’s post-season with at least some objectivity, although being a fan of the NBA team with the best winning record this season probably doesn’t hurt.

Without further ado, here’s my take on this season’s playoffs and who’s going to take the Championship home this season. Here you’ll find the image taken from today’s (30/3/12) Playoff Picture, and here’s how I think the Playoffs will pan out this year! (Knowing my luck, half of the teams will change in the next week and I’ll end up doing this again. Still, enjoy!)

Eastern Conference First Round:

1.Chicago Bulls vs 8. New York Knicks

While I have a soft spot for the Knicks, love how they’ve rejuvenated themselves under new head coach Mike Woodson (they’ve won 8 of their last 10 games, beating the Magic last night without Jeremy Lin and Amar’e Stoudemire) and have one of the deepest benches in the NBA, so do the Chicago Bulls. Under Tom Thibodeau - last season’s Coach of the Year - the defensively-minded Bulls have coasted to the top of the Eastern Conference, showing that even with Derrick Rose missing 18 games this season and counting, the Bulls have been a force to be reckoned with this season, and I reckon the Knicks would struggle to keep up, especially when the team has only just begun to come together properly after Mike D’Antoni’s poor coaching performance this season.

Result: Bulls advance to the Semifinals in five games

4. Philadelphia 76ers vs 5. Indiana Pacers

This one I can’t call. Both teams have beaten the other once this season, with two games left to play during the regular season. The Pacers are second in the Central Division behind the Chicago Bulls, while the Sixers are top of the Atlantic Division, ahead of the Celtics and the Knicks. Both teams are closely matched, but the Pacers have the higher win-loss percentage. This one really could go either way, but I’ll stick with the Pacers.

Result: Pacers advance to the Semifinals in seven games

2. Miami Heat vs 7. Boston Celtics

The Celtics have been a shadow of the 2008 Championship-winning team they once were this season. The aging Big Three of Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen haven’t been performing at that Championship-winning level often enough this season, which has often been a disadvantage against most NBA contenders, let alone the Miami Heat, one of the most impressive teams in the league this season. Miami will hopefully have last season’s Finals loss to the Dallas Mavericks on their mind, giving them the added incentive to avoid the same fate this year and win the Championship for the first time since 2006. Barring a huge upset, the Celtics don’t stand a chance.

Result: Heat advance to the Semifinals in a four-game sweep

3. Orlando Magic vs 6. Atlanta Hawks

After he decided to stay with the Magic for the remainder of this season (and the next), Orlando keeps its talisman in Dwight Howard. The Hawks have beaten the Magic twice this season, with one game left to play, leaving them the possible favourites. Howard, however, will be hoping that the rest of his team can prove that he made the right decision in staying put, bringing the title to Orlando. This extra motivation might help the Magic in the Playoffs against a Hawks team they haven’t yet beaten this season.

Result: Magic advance to the Semifinals in seven games

Western Conference First Round:

1. Oklahoma City Thunder vs 8. Houston Rockets

The way the Thunder have been playing this season makes this matchup a foregone conclusion: With the second best win-loss record in the league (38-12 to the Bulls’ 41-11), a very relevant MVP candidate in Kevin Durant (the player who’s personally impressed me the most this season), and one of the best young point guards in the NBA in Russell Westbrook. Having five-time Champion Derek Fisher as a back-up to Westbrook will (I imagine) give the Thunder a veteran’s perspective during the Playoffs and help motivate the younger players. While he’s well past his prime, he should help provide a useful presence in scoring points when Westbrook’s on the bench. Unless the Thunder loses half of its roster to injury or otherwise, the Rockets may as well not bother turning up. That said, during their four games in the regular season, each team won twice. But I’m still with OKC on this one.

Result: Thunder advance to the Semifinals in a four-game sweep

3. Los Angeles Lakers vs 6. Memphis Grizzlies

The Lakers should do well here. While the Mavericks look to win back-to-back Championships, it seems unlikely given that the brilliant Tyson Chandler moved to New York and has been a great addition to the struggling Knicks, and Dirk Nowitzki openly stated that he felt he didn’t deserve to be selected to play in the All-Star Game this season. Sadly, it’s true. Last year’s Finals MVP hasn’t played at the same calibre this year, however repeating the glories of last season might prove to be a strong motivator for a Mavericks team hoping that history can repeat itself.

This season, with one game left to play against each other, the Lakers have won on all three occasions they have played each other this season. Providing the Lakers are healthy, and the Mavericks don’t pull off any great upsets, the Lakers should take this.

Result: Lakers advance to the Semifinals

2. San Antonio Spurs vs 7. Utah Jazz

While the Spurs’ big three of Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker are getting on a bit and not quite in their primes, they have four championships behind them, they’ve got the second best record in the West so far this season and well on course to win the Southwest Division. With one of the deepest squads in the league (bolstered greatly before the trade deadline), coach Gregg Popovich has plenty of options should one of his stars fall to injury. While the Jazz still have two games to play against the Spurs (on April 8th and 9th), the odds are against them, especially against such a strong team with a wealth of playoff experience. Also, four previous championship wins can’t hurt a team’s confidence. Could they win a fifth?

Result: Spurs advance to the Semifinals in six games

4. Los Angeles Clippers vs 5. Memphis Grizzlies

If I had been writing this a couple of weeks ago, I would have said that the Clippers would have convincingly beaten the Grizzlies and moved on to the Semifinals no problem. Recently, however, they’ve been worryingly inconsistent, and while they’re currently enjoying a three-game winning streak, they’d lost three games straight before that. The combined talent of Chris Paul and the dunk machine that is Blake Griffin, along with their great supporting cast, means I’m going with the Clippers on this one. But they have a really bad coach in Vinny Del Negro.

Result: Clippers advance to the Semifinals in six games

The post’s getting a bit long, so I’ll just post a picture of my Playoff bracket:

Of the Finals between the Chicago Bulls and the Oklahoma City Thunder, I’m going to go with OKC in six games. While I’d love nothing more than to see the Bulls become NBA Champions, I reckon the Bulls are more likely to have injury problems that - while they’ve done well during the regular season - may trouble them during such high-profile games as the NBA Finals. If Derrick Rose can’t play, the Thunder win.

As I said before, this entire post might end up becoming pointless after the next batch of games tonight. At least you learned how the Playoffs work…

Photo

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 12:32:42 +0000

Man Without A League Pass: What Comes Next?

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 23:44:00 +0000

It’s been eleven years since the New York Knicks won a playoff game. If the playoff seedings were based on today’s standings, they won’t make them this season either. And after a six-game losing streak, head coach Mike D’Antoni has resigned, with assistant coaches Phil Webber and Dan D’Antoni (Mike’s older brother) also leaving the team. What comes next for a Knicks team struggling to make the most of this season?

While Coach D’Antoni had less than half the season left to go, and while it seemed unlikely that his contract would be renewed after expiring at the end of this season, he decided to part ways with the organisation after discussions on Wednesday afternoon. In a conference on Wednesday afternoon, Knicks chairman James Dolan gave press details regarding D’Antoni’s resignation:

“He clearly felt it was best for the organisation if he were not to continue as coach of the team. He did offer to stay. After a long discussion, we did agree it was best for the organisation to have a new voice moving forward.”

Glen Grunwald, interim General Manager for the Knicks, called D’Antoni’s departure “a selfless move,” adding:

“I think he felt that he had done all he could and he didn’t really see another way for him to really positively affect the team. He felt that maybe it was time for another voice, another approach.”

That new approach, at least until the end of this season, will come courtesy of Mike Woodson.

Woodson, another of Mike D’Antoni’s assistants, and former head coach of the Atlanta Hawks from 2004-10, oversaw the team’s regular season winning record increase from only 15.9% of their games in 2004-05, to 64.6% in the 2009-10 season, a substantial increase. He also led the Hawks to the NBA Playoffs in his last three seasons in charge.

Reports vary as to the major reason behind Mike D’Antoni’s resignation, from the team’s poor performance, to the possible lack of respect in the locker room, and even trade rumours circling Carmelo Anthony, who was reportedly unhappy with the Knicks’ style of play under D’Antoni. What is clear remains that there were many variables behind the team’s poor run this season, culminating in their head coach’s (possibly) forced resignation.

Firstly, the New York Knicks are one of the biggest teams in the NBA, in possibly the biggest market, and also occupying one of the largest (and busiest) arenas in the world: Madison Square Garden, holding a capacity of 19,763 fans per game. With constant media attention focused on the Knicks, the team is expected to be able to play well under such high pressure. When a team loses six games in a row, and when that team is under the spotlight as much as the Knicks are, every aspect of the team’s style of play and coaching will be analysed and picked apart. D’Antoni seemed to finally crumble under that pressure on Wednesday and admit defeat.

Also adding to the constant pressure facing the Knicks is the prices fans pay to see the team in action. According to SeatGeek - a ticket comparison website that compiles average ticket prices over the last seven days - a ticket to a New York Knicks game costs (on average) $225.92, the highest average ticket price in the league. As a point of comparison, a ticket to see the Utah Jazz play in Salt Lake City costs an average of $24.60, less than a tenth of the cost of a ticket to see the Knicks at Madison Square Garden. When you’re paying an average of $225, you would be forgiven for expecting the standard of basketball to be as high as the amount of cash that you’re putting down to actually be in the Garden watching them play. Below you’ll find a graph I constructed that shows the average ticket prices for all thirty NBA teams, and as you might expect, the Knicks are far and away the highest, especially considering the Jazz’s place at the lowest point on that graph.

Another possible reason for Mike D’Antoni’s departure may revolve around trade rumours circling one of the team’s two star forwards, Carmelo Anthony, who arrived in New York as part of a blockbuster trade near the end of last season’s trade deadline (taken from the Knicks’ official website):

President of Basketball Operations Donnie Walsh announced today (February 22) that the team has acquired four-time All-Star forward Carmelo Anthony, who was signed to a contract extension prior to the trade, and five-time All-Star guard Chauncey Billups in a three-team, 13-player trade with the Denver Nuggets and Minnesota Timberwolves. The trade also sent guard Anthony Carter and forwards Renaldo Balkman and Shelden Williams from Denver and swingman Corey Brewer from Minnesota to New York. New York has traded forwards Wilson Chandler and Danilo Gallinari, guard Raymond Felton, center Timofey Mozgov, a future first-round draft selection and two future second-round draft selections (originally acquired from Golden State on Jul. 9, 2010), the right to exchange 2016 first-round draft selections and cash considerations to Denver and has sent center Eddy Curry, forward Anthony Randolph and cash considerations to Minnesota. Minnesota acquired a future second round draft selection from Denver and Denver acquired Kosta Koufos from Minnesota.

Carmelo, one of the team’s highest-paid players - the Knicks owe Anthony, forward Amar’e Stoudemire and centre Tyson Chandler a staggering $175million over the next three years - was under the spotlight over reports he was unhappy with the style of play under Mike D’Antoni, and would hand in a trade request if D’Antoni wouldn’t change his offensive-minded style. Several sportswriters also reported that D’Antoni wished to trade Anthony for the franchise player of the New Jersey Nets, three-time All-Star point guard Deron Williams. Regarding the trade rumours, he said:

“It’s funny that when we lose a couple of games in a row, it’s said I wanted to be traded. I’ve been through a lot of adversity in my career. I’ve never run from it and I’m not about to now.”

According to Amar’e Stoudemire, another of the team’s star forwards, D’Antoni told Amar’e that one of the reasons why he handed in his resignation was that the players weren’t buying into his playbook. When a coach loses the respect of his team, the writing tends to be on the wall as far as keeping their job is concerned. With further rumours, yet again based on Carmelo Anthony, focused on his inability to adjust to D’Antoni’s offensive style, resulting in friction between the two. Before D’Antoni’s resignation, Anthony stated:

“I support Mike 100 percent regardless of what is going on, as far as us losing basketball games. We all need each other right now and this is the best time to come together and stick with one another. … There’s a lot of things being said out there about Mike, about myself, and it’s just a bunch of nonsense right now. So we’ve got to stick together. We’re not going to do it without one another.”

One small positive Knicks fans can take from Mike D’Antoni’s tenure as head coach is the outbreak of Linsanity. For those who don’t know who Jeremy Lin is, or why Linsanity (for a while) was the biggest thing in the NBA this season, let me direct you here. While Carmelo Anthony was out with a groin injury, Lin came off the bench to lead the Knicks to an eventual seven-game winning streak. Unfortunately, Linsanity faded as quickly as it arrived, as until their hilariously easy 42-point victory against the Portland Trail Blazers - that led to the sacking of coach Nate McMillan on the day of the trade deadline - the Knicks hadn’t won a game in the month of March, having lost all six of their games before Wednesday’s win.

Another positive is that he led the Knicks last season to their first playoff series since 2004, in which they lost to the New Jersey Nets in a 4-0 sweep in the first round. Unfortunately, they met the same fate last year, crashing out against the Boston Celtics in the first round with another 4-0 sweep. In fact, the last time the Knicks advanced past the first round of the Playoffs was in 2000, the year they lost to the Indiana Pacers in the Eastern Conference Finals, the last game Patrick Ewing played as a member of the New York Knicks.

Another positive aspect of D’Antoni’s tenure as coach of the Knicks is that he managed to attract many quality players to the team, as reports indicate that Baron Davis, Jeremy Lin and Amar’e Stoudemire are unhappy to see him leave. Stoudemire, who previously played under D’Antoni in Phoenix with the Suns before he left to coach the Knicks in May 2008, joined him in New York in 2010. Jeremy Lin received his career break under D’Antoni, having came off the bench to score 25 points and start the seven-game winning streak in February and bring forth all manner of Lin-based puns. When asked about the resignation of the coach who gave him his start, Lin said after the win against the Blazers:

“Obviously, I miss him a lot. What he did for my career, I’m not going to forget what he did for me personally. It was very emotional. I’m sad to see him go. I owe a lot to him.”

What matters now is that Mike D’Antoni is no longer coach of the New York Knicks, and - for now - Mike Woodson has the reins. But the Knicks will always hold some level of importance for Philip Douglas Jackson.

Phil Jackson, the NBA’s all-time leader in championships won as a coach (with eleven titles in twenty seasons), also won two championships in 1970 and 1973 as a player with, you guessed it, the New York Knicks. As a coach, he won three titles in a row with the Chicago Bulls from 1991-1993, and winning another three from 1996-1998, his last season in charge of the Bulls. Upon returning to coaching in 1999 in charge of the Los Angeles Lakers, he won another three titles from 2000-2002, finally winning his last two championships in 2009 and 2010. If anyone can use the depth the current Knicks team has to turn it around next season and be a serious championship contender, it’s Phil Jackson. Eleven titles speak for themselves. Shaquille O’Neal and Rick Fox, both NBA Champions under Phil Jackson, discuss the chances of him taking charge in New York here.

I can almost guarantee that Jackson won’t come back to coaching this season. I can imagine that after two seasons away from the game, he’ll want to ease himself back into the fold and start afresh with the team and introduce them to his style of coaching without the added stress of working out a new playing method midway through the regular season, which they have now had to do after the resignation of Mike D’Antoni.

I agree with Shaq, in that it might cost a lot of money to lure Phil Jackson out of retirement. But if he’s right, and that it does cost $20million a season to get him to coach the Knicks, it’ll be the best $20million they’ll ever spend.

Lin’s Long Trip (by NBA)

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 20:04:00 +0000

Lin’s Long Trip (by NBA)

Man Without A League Pass: Risky Business

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 16:44:57 +0000

Consider this: what if Rangers were owned by the SPL? It’s a weird thought, but when you consider the predicament that the New Orleans Hornets currently find themselves in, the idea suddenly make far more sense. It’s no secret that Rangers, have only secured new ownership through venture capitalist Craig Whyte last year for the princely sum of £1, are in the midst of continuing financial trouble. HM Revenue & Customs is in a legal battle with the club, over claims that over £49million is owed in unpaid taxes and interest payments, and if the court case is decided in HMRC’s favour, it seems very likely that Rangers may end up in administration.

Whyte, who took over the club well aware of their financial difficulties, proceeded to commit £24million worth of season ticket revenue over the next four years to a financing company and sell the stadium’s catering rights to a different finance company.

Also adding to the mounting debt is the fact that - and Whyte has publicly acknowledged this - without revenue generated by playing in European club competition (TV rights, prize money, etc), Rangers stands to lose a staggering £10million. Every season.

What’s intriguing in all of this is that Craig Whyte was previously disqualified from acting as a company director in 2000 for a period of seven years, the reasons for which were investigated by BBC Scotland and broadcast last October, in addition to recent claims he lied in court over controlling a company while under disqualification (a decision he chose to - through a spokesman - heavily criticise).

While smaller clubs in Scottish football have fallen victim to administration in the past, you could have been forgiven for thinking that one of the Old Firm could be on the brink of collapse. Recently, however, that possibility seems to be rearing its head with greater probability every day.

If the club were to go into administration, the team would most likely be hit with a points penalty, which would affect their standing in the league and may also prematurely end the season’s title race, with Rangers currently sitting only one point behind Celtic. Dundee Football Club, who only exited administration in May of last year - and who also went into administration between 2004 and 2005, lost 25 points.

Across the pond, however, this wouldn’t be the case. Just ask the New Orleans Hornets. In January of last year, the team’s majority owner, George Shinn - who moved the team from Charlotte to New Orleans because the arena there wasn’t big enough - was looking to sell the team (which in 2009 had over $83million in debts), and almost had a buyer in Gary Chouest, the team’s minority owner. The deal fell through, however, possibly due to his lack of interest in saddling the massive debt figure on his own. Larry Ellison, founder of Oracle (which owns think.com - the website building tool I remember from primary school) reportedly bid around $350million for the team. Ellison was accused of planning to relocate the team to the Bay Area, where he lives, but he denied this, stating he merely wanted to become a sports owner. (He was unsuccessful in his bid to buy the Golden State Warriors the year before.)

The NBA ended up buying the Hornets themselves, paying in the region of $300million, less than the figure offered by Ellison. A possible reason the NBA may have done this is to prevent the team being relocated, therefore keeping a promise made by the league that in the wake of Hurricane Katrina there would continue to be an NBA team in the city, and after the relocation of the Seattle SuperSonics to Oklahoma City left many people angry at the decision, Commissioner Stern would probably wish to avoid a repeat occurrence at all costs. Also, if the team averages less than 14,735 fans in attendance every season, the Hornets would be free to leave the arena, and in effect, New Orleans. After the team managed to do this in 2011, the Hornets’ future in New Orleans was secured for another season, even with only 6,000 season tickets sold, far less than their figure of 10,000 sold two seasons before.

Another problem the Hornets faced after acquiring new ownership was that Chris Paul, the team’s star point guard, chose to activate an opt-out clause in his contract and move to another team. According to Yahoo! Sports:

The Lakers had reached an agreement to acquire Paul in a deal that would have cost them Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom, league sources told Yahoo! Sports. Under terms of the deal, the Lakers would have sent Gasol to the Rockets. The Hornets would have received Odom, Rockets guards Kevin Martin and Goran Dragic and forward Luis Scola.

Under pressure from other NBA teams, including the Cleveland Cavaliers, whose owner sent league owners/executives a strongly worded e-mail calling the trade a “travesty” and claiming it should be put to a vote (as the Hornets are NBA-owned). Another NBA team executive said about Stern’s handling of the Chris Paul trade fiasco:

Stern cared about two things: selling that franchise for the best possible price and showing the players that they weren’t going to dictate where teams could trade them. But now, there’s no way that the league can allow Chris Paul to be traded at all; otherwise, Stern is basically deciding where one of the top players in the league is going versus having any fair process.

Stern eventually vetoed the trade, although Chris Paul ended up at an LA team anyway.

It was the Los Angeles Clippers instead of the Lakers (the 2009 and 2010 NBA Champions), however, who obtained Paul (and two 2015 second round draft picks in exchange for forward Al-Farouq Aminu, guard Eric Gordon, center Chris Kaman and a 2012 unprotected first round draft pick.

Now think about if Rangers found themselves in that situation: having the senior management of the SPL dictating player movement, and having every other team in the league having a stake in the club, arguing over where the team will play next season and who plays for (or doesn’t play for) said team.

Just when I think I’m starting to get the hang of the goings-on in the NBA, sometimes I think I’ll just never understand American sport.

Show on My Own: 06/02/2012

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 20:37:00 +0000

As you might know, I co-present Chris and Darren’s Pick and Mix on Discover Radio every Monday from 12-2. This week, however, Chris was unable to co-host, so I hosted on my own for the first time! The reason I managed to play so many songs is because I was unbelievably nervous - it feels really weird speaking into a microphone in an empty room - and wanted to keep the level of chat to a minimum!

Despite not hearing my voice for any longer amount of time than 30 seconds, I managed to break our highest listener count record, which was a good confidence boost (especially when I stuttered my way through the entire thing) and I just wanted to thank everyone who listened and sent in requests, it meant a lot. Maybe I should keep quiet more often…

Anyway, if you want to get your requests in early for next week, just let me know on Facebook, Twitter or on my Tumblr!

Thanks again,

DH. (Playlist below)

Justice - Genesis

Two Door Cinema Club - Cigarettes in the Theatre

Van Halen - Panama

Simon & Garfunkel - Mrs Robinson

Bob Marley & The Wailers - Is This Love

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Parallel Universe

Pearl Jam - Corduroy

Dire Straits - Sultans of Swing

Hall & Oates - You Make My Dreams

Johnny Cash - Wichita Lineman

Cast - Walk Away

Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance

R. Kelly - Bump n’ Grind

The Osmonds - Crazy Horses

Motley Crue - Dr. Feelgood

Phil Collins - Sussudio

The Who - I Can’t Explain

Huey Lewis & The News - Hip To Be Square

Them Crooked Vultures - Scumbag Blues

Elliott Smith - Waltz #2

Elvis Costello - Peace, Love & Understanding

At the Drive-In - One Armed Scissor

Angels & Airwaves - Secret Crowds

The Black Keys - Run Right Back

Muse - The Small Print

Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds - AKA… What A Life!

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Who’ll Stop The Rain

Bruce Springsteen - Cover Me

Cornershop - Brimful of Asha

Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al

Fatboy Slim - Weapon of Choice

The Beatles - Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End

Photo

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 13:49:20 +0000

Man Without a League Pass: I Was 80% Correct

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 01:41:00 +0000

The votes were counted, and before the Knicks-Celtics game on Thursday night, the starting lineups for the 61st NBA All-Star Game in Orlando on February 26th were announced. Beforehand, I had my own ideas as to who would be picked for both the Eastern and Western teams. If I’m being honest, I expected my choices to match the eventual outcome perfectly. Here, straight from Twitter, are my selections for the All-Star starting line-up:

In case you don’t know, here’s the player, position and team list (for each side that I picked):

Eastern Conference All-Stars (as chosen by me)

Guards:

Derrick Rose - Chicago Bulls

Dwyane Wade - Miami Heat

Forwards:

LeBron James - Miami Heat

Rajon Rondo - Boston Celtics

Center:

Dwight Howard - Orlando Magic

Western Conference All-Stars (as chosen by me)

Guards:

Russell Westbrook - Oklahoma City Thunder

Kobe Bryant - Los Angeles Lakers

Forwards:

Kevin Durant - Oklahoma City Thunder

Blake Griffin - Los Angeles Clippers

Center:

Andrew Bynum - Los Angeles Lakers

In reality, however, Carmelo Anthony of the New York Knicks took Rondo’s place, and Chris Paul of the Los Angeles Clippers took Westbrook’s place. So I got 8 out of 10 right (hence the 80% in the title), which I think isn’t bad for someone who didn’t know the difference between a point guard and a small forward a month or so ago.

Dwight Howard took the most votes of everyone selected, with over 1.6million, 1.4million more than the next most popular choice, Joakim Noah of the Bulls. But the All-Star Game’s taking place in Orlando this year, and it was pretty much a foregone conclusion for the now 5-time All-Star and the Magic’s star player.

Either way, whether my choices were correct or not, I look forward to watching the game, live or not (finances and current sleeping patterns dictate otherwise), and last year’s game was pretty entertaining, with a win for the West and yet another MVP award for Kobe Bryant.

Another entertaining part of the All-Star Weekend (yes, an entire weekend) is the Sprite Slam-Dunk Contest, won last year by the Clippers’ Blake Griffin. Of all the ways to win, this certainly is the way to do it: www.youtube.com/watch/41EFwuBqEUA (apologies, the video isn’t embedding properly) Oddly enough, Griffin doesn’t want to enter this year, claiming that they “aren’t my thing” and that he just wants to enjoy the weekend, which is fair enough, and rumours are floating around that LeBron James is going to compete this year, which would no doubt bring a huge boost to the ratings, given James’ stature in the league.

Either way, I’m looking forward to what will most likely be a Western victory with Kobe as MVP again, even though I want the East to win and for Derrick Rose to win the MVP award. The guy deserves it.

Man Without a League Pass: The Life of a Morning-After Basketball Fan

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:29:00 +0000

I love basketball. You may have already known this, but if not, you do now. While the sport itself is great fun to watch, it also has the best sports simulation game I’ve ever played (NBA 2K12) and I managed to pick up on how the game is played far quicker than I expected to, there are a few negative aspects to following the NBA.

First off - and most obvious of the reasons - the games are played in the United States. Meaning that they are shown live in US time. More often than not, games start between 12 midnight and 3am, so it would be very impractical for people who gets up at 7 every morning to walk their other half to university to watch said games. I am one of those people. So it would more than likely be very rare that I actually manage to watch a game live.

Another problem is that if I’ve been busy through the day, I’m usually dead to the world by half past 10 that night. So keeping track of a game (in which each team scoring 100 points a-piece isn’t uncommon) in the middle of the night is going to be very, very difficult.

Yet another problem is that the regular season (when it isn’t shortened by last year’s lockout) consists of 82 games. For each team. I can’t stay awake to watch that many games.

If I were to, however, buy a League Pass, letting me watch every televised game of the season, and watch any game on-demand, it would cost me £141.87, or £28.37 a month for 5 months. As tempting as that is, I reckon it would take over my life pretty quickly, and all I would do is watch games just because I could. ESPN shows live games too, but I can’t be bothered buying a new Freeview box with a card just so I can get it (and then pay for ESPN every month on top of that).

So for now, I think I can settle with watching highlights, checking results and statistics, etc. the morning after. While my disposable income is limited, my NBA live viewing experience will be limited as well.

I’ve decided that I want to write about the NBA more often, too, so when I do, I’ll use the title “Man Without a League Pass,” to keep some sense of continuity going when I write about basketball and such.

Expect these posts to become pretty frequent, since I don’t see myself getting bored of the NBA any time soon! When I write a new post, I’ll be making an index of every post on the subject at http://darrenhunter.tumblr.com/leaguepass, so you can follow the season even later than I am, if you so wish, and to see my knowledge of the game increase day by day (hopefully).

Really looking forward to writing these,

"I tend to take this latest development as a kind of eager confirmation that they are still..."

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:18:38 +0000

““I tend to take this latest development as a kind of eager confirmation that they are still apparently dependent on ideas that I had 25 years ago.””

- ALAN MOORE, on DC’s launch of seven WATCHMEN PREQUELS (via wilwheaton)

American Teen Drama, Basketball and Me

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 20:49:41 +0000

As someone who likes his American TV, I can safely say, hand on heart, that I hate teen dramas from across the pond. The OC, Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries and “90210” don’t interest me in the slightest. In fact, they annoy me by their very existence. However, in November of 2011, I watched a full episode of One Tree Hill for the first time. I was enthralled.

I had heard of the show before, as its theme song - “I Don’t Want to Be,” by Gavin DeGraw - was pretty popular for a while, and it was shown every so often on E4 while I was still at school. Kirstie started watching the show properly in November after being given the first two seasons on DVD by her sister - and the first episode I had watched properly (without channel-hopping) was the finale of Season One. And now I’m impatiently waiting to get my hands on Season Seven (only seven episodes of Season Six to go…)

Why One Tree Hill in particular is the only American teen drama I’ll watch, I don’t know. The actors who have left the show before its final season (which started airing this month) haven’t exactly made much of a name for themselves (Chad Michael Murray is selling mp3 versions of a novel he’s written for something like £2.50), and the majority of the show’s initial cast has moved on. At least it isn’t about a bunch spoiled rich kids complaining that their private swimming pool isn’t hot enough, or their beach house doesn’t have enough bedrooms to get freaky in. Although one guy (Dan Scott) does have a beach house and a pool, he’s evil incarnate. So he doesn’t count. I don’t want to describe what One Tree Hill’s all about, mostly because I’m terrible at describing things I love in a way that makes people want to watch/see/play/hear them, but also because I don’t want to spoil anything that happens for those that might want to watch it. Since Kirstie spoiled half the show for me, I have no intention of doing that to anyone else. I still can’t forgive whoever it was that ruined The Empire Strikes Back for me.

Either way, a recurring theme throughout the show’s first four seasons is that of basketball, and the Tree Hill Ravens, the basketball team of Tree Hill High School. Before watching One Tree Hill, all I knew about basketball was that Michael Jordan was the best player ever, the Looney Tunes couldn’t win without him and that I’m too short to play it. But all credit to the cinematographers of One Tree Hill, they knew how to make a basketball game look fantastic.

I thought I’d start watching a few NBA games, just to see what a real game looked like, and it’s safe to say I don’t imagine myself watching any other sport. Aside from the odd football game or two (I won’t say soccer. Yet.). So in loyalty to His Airness - and cartoon-based nostalgia - the Chicago Bulls are my team.

What interests me as well about basketball, and American sports in general, is that every fan is a massive Statto!

For those who don’t know who Statto was (he was a regular on David Baddiel and Frank Skinner’s Fantasy Football League) let this quote from Wikipedia tell you more:

Clad only in a dressing gown and pyjamas, he would dispense footballing facts and statistics on demand, particularly in the early shows when the fantasy league element was strongest. He was the butt of many of Frank and David’s jokes, and was often made fun of for being apparently dull and naive, but quickly became an audience favourite (with chants of “Statto! Statto!” becoming common later in the run).

While this is pretty rare in the UK, in the US there seems to be a huge culture of statistics, as I rarely went a couple of minutes without hearing about a player’s points per game (PPG), assist/block/rebound record, a player’s All-Star Game appearances or the team’s overall performance based on division, conference and league. Now for someone who only started following the sport properly last week, this is pretty daunting. But I’m getting there, stat by stat, and now I feel I can watch a game without a glossary readily available.

The phrase “learn by doing” applies particularly well when getting to grips with the basics of basketball. Since I’m one of the laziest people I know, and I’m nowhere near tall enough to play in the NBA, my PS3 will suffice. NBA2K12, the latest in 2K Sports’ best-selling NBA2K series, is pretty much basketball’s equivalent to the FIFA games. In that they are fantastic.

While I wouldn’t tell anyone who didn’t know how football is played to go play FIFA 12, I would, however say so for NBA2K12, because it’s helped me to learn the game a lot more quickly than just reading the rulebook (which I actually have on my memory stick, all 65 pages of it) or reading the Chicago Bulls Media Guide for the 2011-12 season:

(Made that myself, so I did.)

While I got - or rather Kirstie bought me - 2K12 for only £24 on Amazon, it’s doubled in price to nearly £50. Get it on play.com or wait till it goes down in price again (probably the sensible idea).

I can imagine that very soon, this healthy interest in sport (which I’ve not had for a long time) will take a turn for the worse. Expect me to be glued to my seat, trying to make the Hall of Fame with my created character in NBA2K12 (who’s a good foot taller than I am) or live-tweeting league matches at 1 o’clock in the morning any day now. Every morning when I wake up I check to see if the Chicago Bulls have won the night before.

It might be starting a lot sooner than I think.

Laughs, Surprises, Shockers and Regrets: My Films of 2011

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 19:27:48 +0000

With 2011 done and dusted, it’s time for me to have a think about the films I’ve seen released that year. While some were truly fantastic, there was one in particular I’ll make very sure to never see again for the rest of my life. Yes, there was a film I was that unfortunate enough to see that was that actually that bad. With some unexpected surprises, a couple of shockers, great original comedies, sagas coming to an end - and some just beginning - 2011 has been a mixed bag for film.

What I’m going to do is run through every 2011 film I’ve seen, give a short description of each one along with its director and starring cast, and finally give each film a star rating out of 5.

Without further ado, here are the films I’d seen last year:

Black Swan

Director: Darren Aronofsky Cast: Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel

Box Office Gross/Budget: $329,398,046/$13,000,000

Black Swan is a thrilling ballet movie. The subject matter’s hardly likely to put bums on seats, but those who decided not to see it missed a trick here. The performances alone make this a film worth seeing (Natalie Portman won the Best Actress Oscar for her role), and the film will shock you with its twists, turns and surprises the whole way through. Black Swan was one of last year’s greatest successes - making $329,398,046 from a budget of only $13,000,000 - and it deserves to be.

Stars (out of five): *****

Bridesmaids

Director: Paul Feig Cast: Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Chris O’Dowd

Box Office Gross/Budget: $288,383,523/$32,500,000

One of the few great original comedies to come our way last year, Bridesmaids made over $288million from a $32million budget, which of course means a sequel is guaranteed (whether that is a good thing or not remains to be seen). While Kristen Wiig plays the main character, the brash, loud performance by Melissa McCarthy - who gets the best one-liners throughout the film - steals the show. Despite the great performances from a solid cast and a well-written script, the film has a two-hour running time, and suffers badly for it.

While in some cases this isn’t necessarily a bad thing - for example, take the two and a half hour long Funny People (which also happens to be the only Adam Sandler movie I like) - I noticed quite early on that Bridesmaids was dragging on a bit. The film was also horrendously marketed as “The Hangover - for chicks!” Even though it’s totally wrong, because both movies are very different and great on their own merits, it seems to have done no harm to its box office takings. Still, I’d recommend it to anyone looking for a film you’ll laugh out loud (a lot), as long as you’ve got a lot of time on your hands.

Stars (out of five): ****

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Director: David Fincher Cast: Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Stellan Skarsgard

Box Office Gross/Budget (at time of writing): $110,480,849/$90,000,000

David Fincher’s English-language remake of the Swedish adaptation the excellent Stieg Larsson novel had me engrossed for every single one of its 158 minutes. Unlike Bridesmaids, however, you don’t notice it at all. Even having gone into the cinema already aware of what was going to happen, I was just as excited and thrilled by this version as I was by Niels Arden Oplev’s 2009 original. The score by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross more than lives up to the standard achieved by their Oscar-winning score for The Social Network, and personally, I don’t believe it’s unforeseeable for them to win two years running.

Speaking of Oscar gold, Rooney Mara’s performance as Lisbeth Salander seems very likely to come away with at least a nomination, if the already-earned Golden Globe nod is anything to go by. Due to the mistake of releasing the film against the hugely popular Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, Dragon Tattoo has only grossed $108million. While this sounds like quite a bit, it was budgeted at $90million and Sony spent a lot of money on promoting the film.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is my favourite film of 2011, and I’m happy to see that The Girl Who Played With Fire is being written as I type. Hopefully Sony will see sense and get David Fincher on board again. I promise you won’t be disappointed by this film. Just make sure you go to the toilet beforehand. It’s a long one.

Stars (out of five): *****

Green Lantern

Director: Martin Campbell Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard

Box Office Gross/Budget: $219,851,172/$200,000,000

Remember at the start of the post when I wrote that there was one film that I would make sure never to see again? Well Green Lantern was that film. What should have been a refreshing superhero film that wasn’t a sequel or a reboot, with Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan, the excellent Peter Sarsgaard (Jarhead, An Education) as Hector Hammond, Mark Strong (RocknRolla) as Sinestro and Martin Campbell (Edge of Darkness, Goldeneye, Casino Royale) directing, Green Lantern showed promise.

The end result left me with few words able to convey how disappointed I was after watching Green Lantern. It contained a festival of unnecessary CGI - over 1,300 effects shots were used - a weak script (which in turn made the performances look bad) and most importantly, the villain of the piece was a giant cloud monster-type thing that feeds on fear. See here - The picture’s kind of a spoiler, but as you’ve probably gathered, I’m past caring:

It really is unfortunate, because the cast - with the exception of Blake Lively - had the potential to make Green Lantern a great film. The film cost $200million, and only made $219million on top of a $100million marketing budget, meaning it lost money overall. A sequel is reportedly in the works, but the person typing this could not care any less.

Stars (out of five): *

The Hangover Part II

Director: Todd Phillips Cast: Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms

Box Office Gross/Budget: $581,464,305/$80,000,000

As soon as The Hangover Part II begins, it acknowledges that the plot of this film is pretty much the exact same as the first. And it is.

Just replace Vegas for Bangkok, Doug for Stu’s wife-to-be’s brother, and the baby for a smoking monkey with a leather Rolling Stones jacket, and you have the same film.

Yet on every level, it’s better.

Mr Chow (played by Community’s Ken Jeong) earns much more screen time, the cameos are fantastic (Paul Giamatti’s really let himself go), but most importantly, I enjoyed watching Part II because the jokes and one-liners are just better than in the original.

While it’s a sequel that doesn’t bring anything new to the table, it still manages to polish what was already there.

Stars (out of five): ***

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

Director: David Yates Cast: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson

Box Office Gross/Budget: $1,328,111,219/$250,000,000(shared budget with Pt.1)

Last year’s highest grossing film, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 ends the series on a high. While I haven’t seen the Prisoner of Azkaban, Goblet of Fire or Order of the Phoenix, I’ve found the films always improved with every instalment in terms of acting, because the production design’s always been fantastic (it would have to be, for the money that was thrown at the Potter films).

Warner Bros. is lobbying for the film to be nominated for Best Picture at this year’s Academy Awards, much in the same vein as Return of the King was - in recognition of its overall achievements. As well as the hopeful Best Picture nomination, the studio is also lobbying for Alan Rickman to be nominated for the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his role as Severus Snape. I, for one, entirely agree, and it’d be a missed trick for the Academy to overlook the decision just because it’s a family film. If Alan Rickman - who’s never been nominated before - finally earns a well-overdue nomination, then all will be well with the world.

The best thing about Part 2? I can finally sit down and watch all 8 films, one after the other. When I decide to do it, it’ll be a very long day.

Stars (out of five): *****

Horrible Bosses

Director: Seth Gordon Cast: Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day

Box Office Gross/Budget: $209,638,559/$35,000,000

Last year’s best comedy by far, Horrible Bosses features an excellent cast with believable chemistry, fantastic dialogue and one-liners that you’ll be laughing over long after you’ve finished watching. While Jason Sudeikis and Jason Bateman are well-established comic actors, Charlie Day - best known for starring in the FX series It’s Always Sunny in Philadephia - is the breakout star of the film. Once I get through all the One Tree Hill boxsets, Always Sunny is next on my to-watch list!

If there’s one comedy from last year that you watch, make very sure that you pick Horrible Bosses. It’s only £10 on DVD just now, so no excuses!

Stars (out of five): *****

Insidious

Director: James Wan Cast: Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Barbara Hershey

Box Office Gross/Budget: $97,009,050/$1,500,000

“From the makers of Saw and Paranormal Activity.”

This quote should have turned me off Insidious straight away, and it did, because I had no intention of ever seeing it, since it was yet another low-budget American horror film that would no doubt make a huge profit. And I was correct! In fact, it made so much money it was the most profitable film of last year, in terms of its cost-to-gross ratio.

I only saw this on DVD at the tail-end of last year, because everyone else in the flat wanted to watch it, while I continue the impossible dream of eventually getting everyone in the world ever to see The Mist.

I enjoyed it. I wasn’t scared/frightened by Insidious*, but I can see why people would be. The way-too-loud orchestra placed at certain points through the film admittedly gave me chills, but that’s only because it sounded like nails down a chalkboard. The ending was admittedly fantastic for this kind of film, so I won’t spoil it. It’s rare to find a modern horror film that isn’t awash with blood, so for that reason, combined with the great ending - that almost redeems the stupid reason for the paranormal activities in the first place - I’d recommend it.

*For the record, the only film that has ever scared me was The Terminator. I was six, and I’m sure it was on Channel 5. For reasons unknown, I decided to watch the entire thing - behind the safety of my duvet, of course - and to this day I haven’t seen it since. Terminator 2, on the other hand, I could watch all day. Don’t even get me started on Rise of the Machines.

Stars (out of five): ***

Limitless

Director: Neil Burger Cast: Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro, Abbie Cornish

Box Office Gross/Budget: $161,849,455/$27,000,000

An entertaining thriller starring Bradley Cooper, Limitless (an adaptation of The Dark Fields) focuses on a struggling writer who comes across a pill that enables him to use all of his brainpower at once. He decides to use this power by making a ton of money on the stock market and living the lifestyle of a very smart rich guy. Obviously, this comes back to bite him where the sun doesn’t often shine, and he ends up fighting for his life, and most importantly, his supply of NZT (the drug in question).

Despite playing a big part in the marketing of the film - he’s also front and centre beside Bradley Cooper on the DVD cover - Robert De Niro has far less screen time than you’d be led to believe. If I’m perfectly honest, while De Niro is a welcome addition to the cast (and it certainly would’ve helped in getting the film green lit with a bit star attached), I felt that the part could have really been played by anyone, and that De Niro was only in the film to help with promotional purposes. Think about it, when was the last film in which you couldn’t find a fault with his performance? Personally, I’d say Heat - released in 1994 - but that’s obviously open for discussion.

Even though De Niro won’t exactly hoover up awards for his role, I was impressed by Bradley Cooper, who manages to hold the film together pretty much on his own. Once again, I’d recommend it to anyone.

Stars (out of five): ***

The Lion King (3D Re-release)

Directors: Roger Allers & Rob Minkoff Cast: Matthew Broderick, James Earl Jones

Box Office Gross/Budget: $495,783,777/$45,000,000

If you haven’t seen The Lion King already, there’s something wrong with you, and there’s nothing I can say that would change your mind. What I will say it that the 3D conversion was surprisingly well done, focusing more on depth than stuff coming out towards you.

Stars (out of five): ****

Paul

Director: Greg Mottola Cast: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Kristen Wiig, Seth Rogen

Box Office Gross/Budget: $97,984,015/$40,000,000

An homage to many films that I’ve never seen, Paul is still an easily accessible comedy featuring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, without the familiar style of Edgar Wright behind the camera. That job falls to Greg Mottola, director of Superbad, Adventureland and many episodes of the stellar TV series Arrested Development. The film doesn’t suffer greatly through Wright’s absence (he was filming Scott Pilgrim at the time), but it could have improved, however. As I said before, Paul is an homage of sorts to Spielberg movies (Close Encounters, E.T), even featuring the man himself in a short cameo, literally phoning it in. I haven’t seen any of the films Paul homages, so I can’t comment on whether they’re well done or not, but regardless, the film is a joy to watch.

Seth Rogen is a great casting choice for Paul, with his voice fitting the character perfectly. Paul’s casting is excellent all round, with Jason Bateman as the government agent on the turn for Paul, with Bill Hader and Joe Lo Truglio as two junior agents and Kristen Wiig as Simon Pegg’s love interest rounding the cast nicely (Sigourney Weaver and Blythe Danner aslso have small but pivotal roles). With such big names in the film, it’s a shame the film didn’t perform as well as it did, although it still turned a healthy profit.

Even without Edgar Wright at the helm, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost still make for a great team.

Stars (out of five): ****

Super 8

Director: J.J. Abrams Cast: Joel Courtney, Elle Fanning, Kyle Chandler

Box Office Gross/Budget: $259,936,677/$50,000,000

Super 8, much like Cloverfield - which was produced by J.J. Abrams - was announced and promoted in a shroud of secrecy and viral marketing, meaning that cinema-goers knew little about the film until very close to its date of release. Not knowing what the hell it’s about didn’t seem to hurt its box office takings, making over $250million on top of a $50million budget. Having Steven Spielberg on board as a producer probably didn’t hurt, either.

It’s a family friendly, effects and explosion-heavy military-attacks-a-captured-alien-while-kids-make-a-movie-film. It’s a hell of a niche, and it works. The story is engaging, with a strong cast of young actors making what’s going on around them very believable.

Michael Giacchino, a frequent Pixar and Abrams collaborator, composed the score for Super 8. All I need to say about the film’s score is that there’s a reason he gets so much work. His score for Up also won an Academy Award, so the man clearly has talent.

Overall, J.J. Abrams rarely puts a foot wrong, and in the case of Super 8, he carries on making excellent films. A must-see.

Stars (out of five): *****

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1

Director: Bill Condon Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner

Box Office Gross/Budget: $696,948,073/$110,000,000

I wouldn’t have went to see this film unless I went with Kirstie (in fact, I’ve seen it twice, and once at a midnight screening) and for good reason. Although it’s the best film of the four released so far, some of the story elements are laughable - a werewolf falls in love with a baby (although there’s more to it than that, I’ll admit) and Edward eats his unborn daughter from the womb to save Bella’s life.

How this film was still rated a 12A, I have no idea. There’s blood everywhere, people are trying to kill each other left, right and centre, and - while I know what I’m about to type doesn’t really make sense - the most graphic sex scene I’ve ever seen (in which you don’t see anything) happens about a third of the way through. Seriously, this is the most hardcore 12A film you’ll ever see.

In the grand scheme of things, Breaking Dawn, Part 1 is largely like Deathly Hallows, Part 1, in that it sets up the story for the grand finale and a massive showdown between vampires and wolves. I don’t particularly look forward to Part 2, but I’ll be dragged along regardless.

Stars (out of five): **

Water For Elephants

Director: Francis Lawrence Cast: Robert Pattinson, Reese Witherspoon

Box Office Gross/Budget: $117,094,902/$38,000,000

Last year’s biggest surprise for me, in that I managed to enjoy a film starring both Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon. For some reason, I despise Reese Witherspoon as an actress. I really didn’t like her in Walk the Line (and she won an Oscar for it) and to be honest, Water For Elephants would have been a far better film if Reese Witherspoon didn’t play the female lead. What did pleasantly surprise me, however, is that without the guaranteed box-office draw of Twilight behind him, Robert Pattinson actually managed to do a pretty good job in this one. It’s good to see him act in a film that has almost no instances of him looking moody (he actually shows emotion!). Christoph Waltz’s turn as the psycho ringmaster is alarming, in that he’s entirely convincing and managed to freak me the hell out.

Overall, I did enjoy Water For Elephants, but there were far better films released this year. Think of it as a date movie. With stampeding circus animals.

Stars (out of five): ***

With all fourteen films reviewed, it’s time to make that all-important list:

My Films of 2011!

14. Green Lantern *

13. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 **

12. Insidious ***

11. Water For Elephants ***

10. Paul ****

9. The Hangover Part II ***

8. The Lion King 3D ****

7. Bridesmaids ****

6. Limitless ***

5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 *****

4. Black Swan *****

3. Horrible Bosses *****

2. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo *****

1. Super 8 *****

Hopefully you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it (it took me ages to research budgets/grosses for every film!) Obviously no-one will agree on every placing on the list, so if you have any suggestions, please let me know!

Thanks for reading,

Hopefully you’ve read the speech I posted below, now watch...

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:06:00 +0000

Hopefully you’ve read the speech I posted below, now watch it in full. I had heard of The Great Dictator before, but had never seen it. I still haven’t, but if there’s anything to encourage me to do so, this will. I assumed Chaplin’s movies were always slapstick and nothing serious at all. How mistaken was I. Satire at its best.

"I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an Emperor - that’s not my business. I..."

Sat, 17 Dec 2011 00:08:22 +0000

“

I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an Emperor - that’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone, if possible — Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another; human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there’s room for everyone and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone.

The way of life can be free and beautiful.

But we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men’s souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women, and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.

To those who can hear me I say, “Do not despair.” The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass and dictators die; and the power they took from the people will return to the people and so long as men die, liberty will never perish.

Soldiers: Don’t give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you, enslave you, who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel; who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don’t hate; only the unloved hate, the unloved and the unnatural.

Soldiers: Don’t fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written, “the kingdom of God is within man” — not one man, nor a group of men, but in all men, in you, you the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.

Then, in the name of democracy, let us use that power! Let us all unite!! Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie! They do not fulfill their promise; they never will. Dictators free themselves, but they enslave the people!! Now, let us fight to fulfill that promise!! Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.

Soldiers: In the name of democracy, let us all unite!

”

- Charlie Chaplin - The Great Dictator. Possibly the best speech of all time.

"‘The Descendants’ and ‘Breaking Dawn’ were released on the same weekend. Undoubtedly one is making a..."

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 19:36:02 +0000

“‘The Descendants’ and ‘Breaking Dawn’ were released on the same weekend. Undoubtedly one is making a play for an Oscar. Undoubtedly the other will dominate every MTV award category, including best kiss, best dude moment, best male shirtless scene, and whatever else the network that produces ‘the Jersey Shore’ celebrates.”

- James Franco (via massfilm)

Chris & Darren's Pick and Mix: Episode 1

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 22:22:25 +0000

Chris & Darren's Pick and Mix: Episode 1:

(Click the post title above to download the show)

As you will probably know, Chris Robb and yours truly present a weekly show on Dundee University’s Discover Radio, a topic which was the focus of my last post. We had always planned to record our shows from the very beginning, however technical difficulties prevented this until last week, resulting in this, our very first downloadable show! At over two hours, it’s our longest show yet (we covered for presenters who couldn’t do the show an hour before ours), with a hefty playlist and plenty of chat. For more frequent updates, visit http://www.discoverpickandmix.tumblr.com, where each show will be accompanied by a full playlist and chat summary (and show themes, if applicable).

That’s all for now, so click away, have a listen and enjoy!

Adventures in Student Radio

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 03:55:56 +0100

As you may well have read from the sidebar on the left, I co-present a show on Discover Radio, the University of Dundee’s student radio station. Alongside all-round good egg Chris Robb, we present Chris & Darren’s Pick and Mix, which airs every Monday at 1-2pm. You can listen to us at Discover Radio’s website, or on iTunes, the process I’ll quickly jot down here so you can find it:

In the Library section, click Radio
Select the College/University dropdown menu
Scroll down to Discover Radio
Double-click and you’re ready to listen!

I’m really enjoying working on the show so far. Once the station gets the promotion it deserves, we’ll hopefully get more listeners so as many people can enjoy the show as possible. The play listing process I have is great - if I say so myself - I basically just jot down a bunch of songs I think would work in that show, with maybe a couple of songs that act as a discussion point, making way for a few minutes of chat about a particular subject before we play some more songs. We have some regular features planned for the show in the coming weeks as well, which should be interesting, to say the least. What’s most important is that we enjoy what we do at Discover Radio, and fingers crossed, if I get accepted to the University myself next year, I can continue being involved with the station for at least a few more years yet, because I’m enjoying it much more than I ever thought I would. Here’s the website we’ve set up for the show: http://www.discoverpickandmix.tumblr.com, where you’ll find all of our playlists and more. Hope you listen in next Monday!

It most certainly is.

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 03:11:46 +0100

It most certainly is.

This is Video Games, by Lana Del Rey. I had no idea, before...

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 23:23:24 +0100

This is Video Games, by Lana Del Rey. I had no idea, before listening to this song for the first time tonight, that I would be as amazed as I was. I’m actually struggling to come up with the words to describe how amazing a song Video Games is. She might have other stuff coming out, and I believe she’s touring the UK soon, but I don’t care.

I will never listen to another song by Lana Del Rey.

Because that song is perfect, and I don’t want to ruin it by comparing it to anything else.